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8 Actionable Parenting Tips from “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids”

“Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids” by Laura Markham offers a comprehensive guide to cultivating a peaceful and harmonious relationship with your children. Markham emphasizes the importance of understanding and regulating your own emotions as a parent to create a nurturing environment for your child’s emotional growth. Here’s a summary along with eight actionable items inspired by the book:

  1. Connect with Your Child: Foster a strong emotional bond with your child by prioritizing connection through attentive listening, empathy, and validation of their feelings.
  2. Regulate Your Own Emotions: Practice self-awareness and self-regulation techniques to manage your own emotions effectively, modeling healthy emotional expression for your child.
  3. Use Positive Discipline: Replace punitive discipline with positive guidance strategies such as setting limits with empathy, using natural consequences, and offering choices to empower your child.
  4. Empathize and Validate: Validate your child’s emotions and perspectives, demonstrating understanding and empathy even in challenging situations, to foster emotional intelligence and resilience.
  5. Practice Mindful Parenting: Cultivate mindfulness in your parenting approach by staying present in the moment, responding thoughtfully rather than reacting impulsively, and maintaining a calm and centered demeanor.
  6. Set Clear Boundaries: Establish clear and consistent boundaries with your child, communicating expectations calmly and respectfully, and enforcing limits with empathy and understanding.
  7. Prioritize Connection Over Control: Focus on building a cooperative and collaborative relationship with your child based on mutual respect and trust, rather than exerting control through authoritarian methods.
  8. Nurture Yourself: Prioritize self-care and self-compassion as a parent, recognizing the importance of your own well-being in nurturing a peaceful and harmonious family environment.

By implementing these actionable items from “Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids,” parents can create a supportive and nurturing environment that fosters emotional intelligence, resilience, and strong parent-child relationships.

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Embracing Dan Siegel’s Parenting Approach

Parenting can be a journey of highs and lows but Dr. Dan Siegel, a renowned psychiatrist and author, offers a compassionate and holistic approach to parenting that prioritizes nurturing the minds and hearts of children. His insights draw from the fields of neuroscience, psychology, and mindfulness, providing practical guidance for fostering strong parent-child relationships and supporting children’s emotional well-being. Here are ten actionable tips inspired by Dan Siegel’s parenting approach:

  1. Connect Before You Correct: Before addressing behavioral issues, take a moment to connect with your child emotionally. Validate their feelings and perspectives, fostering a sense of understanding and trust.
  2. Practice Presence: Be fully present with your child during interactions. Put away distractions like phones or computers and engage in active listening, demonstrating genuine interest in what they have to say.
  3. Embrace “Mindsight”: Develop “mindsight” by tuning into your child’s internal world. Encourage them to express their emotions and thoughts openly, without judgment, and help them navigate their feelings with empathy and compassion.
  4. Cultivate Empathy: Teach empathy by modeling compassionate behavior and encouraging perspective-taking. Help your child recognize and understand the feelings of others, fostering kindness and consideration in their interactions.
  5. Promote Reflective Parenting: Take a reflective approach to parenting by considering the underlying reasons behind your child’s behavior. Rather than reacting impulsively, pause and reflect on how you can respond with empathy and understanding.
  6. Encourage Play and Creativity: Support your child’s natural curiosity and creativity by providing opportunities for unstructured play and exploration. Engage in imaginative activities together, fostering a sense of joy and spontaneity.
  7. Set Clear Boundaries with Empathy: Establish firm but flexible boundaries that prioritize your child’s safety and well-being. Communicate these boundaries with empathy, explaining the reasons behind rules and consequences.
  8. Foster Secure Attachment: Nurture a secure attachment bond with your child by being consistently responsive to their needs. Offer comfort and reassurance during times of distress, building a foundation of trust and emotional security.
  9. Promote Mindful Parenting: Cultivate mindfulness in your parenting practices by staying attuned to the present moment without judgment. Practice self-regulation techniques to manage your own stress and emotions, modeling calm and resilience for your child.
  10. Celebrate Growth and Resilience: Encourage a growth mindset by celebrating your child’s efforts and progress, rather than solely focusing on outcomes. Emphasize resilience as a valuable skill, highlighting the importance of perseverance and adaptability in the face of challenges.

Incorporating Dan Siegel’s parenting approach into your daily interactions can cultivate deeper connections, foster emotional intelligence, and nurture resilience in both you and your child. Remember that parenting is a journey of learning and growth, and each moment presents an opportunity to strengthen your bond and support your child’s flourishing.

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What are 15 ways to support a young person dealing with anxiety?

There are many ways to support a young person dealing with anxiety. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Educate yourself about anxiety and its symptoms, so you can understand what the person is going through.
2. Encourage the person to talk about their feelings and listen actively and empathetically.
3. Help the person develop healthy coping mechanisms, such as deep breathing, meditation, or exercise.
4. Create a safe and supportive environment at home, and encourage the person to engage in activities that they find relaxing or enjoyable.
5. Encourage the person to set achievable goals and praise them for their efforts and accomplishments.
6. Help the person identify and challenge negative thoughts or beliefs that may be contributing to their anxiety.
7. Encourage the person to seek professional help if their anxiety is severe or interfering with their daily life.
8. Support the person in sticking to their treatment plan and attending therapy sessions.
9. Help the person maintain a healthy lifestyle, including getting enough sleep, eating well, and avoiding drugs and alcohol.
10. Encourage the person to express their feelings through creative outlets, such as art, music, or writing.
11. Help the person build a network of supportive friends and family members.
12. Encourage the person to take breaks from stressful situations and engage in self-care.
13. Help the person learn relaxation techniques, such as progressive muscle relaxation or visualization.
14. Offer to accompany the person to social events or activities, if they are feeling anxious about being in a public setting.
15. Be patient and understanding, and remind the person that anxiety is a common and treatable condition.

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What Thoughts do Resilient Children have help them be Successful?

What is it about some children in that they are able to show resilience in the face of adversity better than their peers?  Cartwright Hatton et al looked at what thoughts those children have that enable them to be able to manage in their day to day interactions.  Here is a list of what they found.

  • I can cope with most things that I experience

  • The world is a pretty safe place

  • I have some control over the things that happen to me.

  • Bad things usually don’t happen to me.

  • Bad things usually don’t pop out of the blue.

  • People are generally pretty kind and friendly.

  • Other people generally respect me.

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Anxiety when Public Speaking? Try Some Of These Tips to Crush Your Next Presentation

Public speaking is one of the most common forms of anxiety that people experience with some estimates upwards of 73% of the population feeling some level of discomfort when speaking.  If you fall into this category, try some of these tips to help make your next experience a positive one.  Managing anxiety is best used in combination with thorough preparation and practice for a presentation.  Try accepting your anxiety instead of battling with it, and you may find it becomes much less of a problem for you.

Some Basic Assumptions about Anxiety

  • Emotions, both negative and positive, are a natural part of living and cannot be avoided or controlled, nor do they need to be.
  • The fear of failure and the desire to succeed are two sides of the same coin.  We feel anxious because we want to perform well.  This is a normal and healthy part of being human.
  • Anxiety is uncomfortable and inconvenient, but not unbearable.  It is when we start judging ourselves about our normal anxiety that we begin to create real problems for ourselves.
  • A certain amount of anxiety is beneficial to one’s performance because it motivates us and helps us to focus our energy and attention.

Destructive Beliefs about Anxiety

Have you ever found yourself thinking like this?

  • I should be able to control my feelings. I should be able to rid myself of anxiety prior to my presentation.
  • If I’m this nervous, there must be something wrong with me
  • There’s no way I can give this presentation until I feel more confident
  • I’d rather die than have to talk in front of the whole class

What happens if you think like this? It can be a vicious cycle. By trying to resist the feeling of anxiety, you prolong your focus on it.  That leads you to reject your feelings and your emotional self.  Your attention gets stuck on the anxiety and on yourself, increasing your self-consciousness and making you feel even worse. You’re critical towards yourself and your productivity to achieve the task at hand- the presentation.  Your belief that you can’t handle these kinds of situations is reinforced.  The next time you’re in the same situation, you have heightened level of anticipatory anxiety because of your previous difficulty.

Positive Self Talk

If you find yourself thinking these kinds of things, consider these more helpful and healthy alternatives to the above statements.  Identify the ones that are most relevant to you and repeat them to yourself whenever you start getting anxious about your presentation.

  • I cannot and do not need to control my anxiety
  • Anxiety is a natural part of being human
  • Anxiety is a cue to take action
  • It is okay to feel nervous and anxious before and during my presentation.  It reflects my desire to do well and succeed.
  • There is no reason to fight the nervous and anxious part of myself.  I will not resist my nervousness and it will subside in its own time.  I will perserve without avoiding my presentation.

Deep Breathing

Taking deep breaths will help to calm your self down in the lead up to the presentation.  Try to slow down your breathing and focus on big, deep breaths right up until you are about to present. We can reduce anxiety by breathing differently. Take slow inhalations and even slower exhalations with brief pauses in between. We’ll be more likely to use this technique if practiced in times of low stress.

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What is Nature Based Therapy?

What is Nature-Based Therapy?

Humans’ disconnection from nature seems to be an ever increasing global challenge as our world becomes more technologically advanced and urbanized. Theories from evolutionary psychology, such as the Biophilia Hypothesis, argue that early humans were immersed in the natural world for millions of years and that a detachment from nature seen in modern humans is a source of psychological distress. The therapeutic properties of time spent in natural environments are becoming more well known and in response, mental health therapists have begun to harness nature’s restorative capacity by challenging convention and offering therapy outdoors.

What is EcoTherapy?

Ecotherapy is the name given to a form of experiential therapy that incorporates counselling interventions in the natural world to improve the client’s growth and development. There are wide ranges of treatment programs, which aim to improve mental and physical well-being through doing outdoor activities in nature. Examples include nature-based meditations, physical exercise in natural settings, horticultural therapy, adventure therapy, conservation activities and nature-based therapy.

What does Nature-Based Therapy look like?

The concept of Nature-Based Therapy combines the inherent benefits of being in nature with a benefits of a therapy session with a trained counsellor. Nature is viewed as a healing partner in the counselling process. The outdoor environment has the ability to encourage different affects in relation to internal worlds. For example, a wooded forest can feel comforting to some while to others this might symbolize a fear they are challenged with. While different therapists will conduct a Nature-Based sessions differently, the concept is similar. This could look like a walk and talk session in a natural setting to applying metaphors from the natural environment to their current life situation.

Benefits

Nature-Based Therapy is an effective means to boost mental wellness and has many psychological, physiological, and social benefits. The psychological effects of therapy in nature include lower blood pressure and research shows that exposure to nature will have profound impact in the decreasing of cortisol levels which can lower stress levels. As well, research also points to increased resilience, improved self-esteem and increased capacity to engage socially with other members of their community and society at large. Natural light, fresh air, exposure to trees and plants seem to improve many people’s outlook on life in a positive manner. One positive aspect of a Nature-Based approach for when an individual is depressed involves how people often retreat into indoor spaces, isolating themselves from the world around them. Using nature based therapy can help people to receive the benefits of being outdoors while still engaging in therapy in a less intimidating environment than a traditional office setting. The calming effect of nature makes it the perfect backdrop for a counselling session.

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Ski therapy? An Outdoor Twist on Traditional Therapy

Imagine being outside with a blue sunny, sky while you feel the soft snow beneath your skis and you feel the wind on your face.  Any one that downhill or cross country skis will tell you that skiing makes you feel healthy and happy. But while the physical benefits of being outside in nature and skiing are obvious, it has only been in recent studies that science have proved that the mental benefits of snow sports are just as valuable. A study led by Stanford University found that city dwellers have a 20% higher risk of depression than rural residents and a 40% increased risk of mood disorders. 

No stranger to finding creative ways to connect people to nature, Heather Hendrie is a Squamish based clinician who offers Ski Therapy in addition to her regular clinical practice. As an avid skier, former ski instructor and outdoor guide, Heather hopes to add ski therapy sessions to her suite of offerings this winter.  Heather became interested in the healing power of nature through her healing journey, where nature provided great relief and a sense of perspective leading her to pursue a degree in Clinical Mental Health Counselling, specializing in Wilderness Therapy.  Ski therapy seems a good fit for Hendrie, who made headlines when she created the “Lifts of Love” event in Banff.  An annual singles speed dating event held at Mount Norquay. It follows naturally that she’d take her therapeutic work to the chairlifts and groomed trails.   I caught up with Heather to discuss this interesting form of therapy.  

What is Ski Therapy? 

Heather describes Ski Therapy as a playful, Nature Based  way to connect with a therapist while moving one’s body.  The therapeutic process is at work while breathing fresh air, taking in the surrounding scene and engaging in bi lateral movement that is proving to support significant reductions in the levels of both bodily distress and emotional stress. These combined emotional physical and physiological benefits could make ski therapy a real 2 for 1 type practice, and ideal for people who’d like to try a novel approach in therapy. 

Where do you offer Ski Therapy? 

Heather hopes to offer sessions through maintained cross country skiing trails at the Whistler Olympic Park in the Callaghan Valley.  Making this therapeutic modality accessible to more people is currently a passion of Heather’s, as skiing has historically been such an exclusive pursuit. 

Do you need to know how to ski?

While Heather’s background is as a guide and instructor, the focus of ski therapy is healing and relief from symptoms, rather than the technical aspects of the sport. 

ski therapy 3

What theoretical approaches do you use? 

Heather applies a Transpersonal, humanistic, mindfulness-based, experiential approach to her work, inspired by such leaders as Rogers, Maslow, Van Der Kolk and Peter Levine.  

How do you manage confidentiality with others around? 

Confidentiality looks different outdoors than when sessions are conducted within the confines of an office, but fortunately, the field of therapy is increasingly being de-stigmatized. That said, Heather mitigates any concern in this area by always addressing consent and confidentiality with a client before beginning work together.  

 

Interested in learning more about Ski Therapy? Check out https://heatherhendrie.com/

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Ask a Counsellor: What are some better ways to handle stress than eating?

To clarify, I assume you mean overeating or eating unhealthily because remember eating good food is helpful.

There are lots of better ways to handle stress! It’s great that you are asking this question because it shows that you want to make some changes in how you are coping. Overeating would be considered negative coping strategy. It works but it’s not a very good long term solution for handling stress. Finding some positive coping strategies is important so that you have some lifelong coping methods to deal with stress. This is usually dependent on the person and what makes someone feel better. Does talking to friends help? Taking a bath? Doing some art? We all need to find those things that we can do to make us feel better when we are stressed. Here’s a list of a few general things you can do. Try different things and add things as you find things work.  Most importantly, do those things when you are feeling stressed to help you out!   Wishing you all the best on your journey.

Stress

  • Keep a positive attitude.
  • Accept that there are events that you cannot control.
  • Be assertive instead of aggressive. Assert your feelings, opinions, or beliefs instead of becoming angry, defensive, or passive.
  • Learn and practice relaxation techniques; try meditation, yoga, or tai-chi for stress management.
  • Exercise regularly. Your body can fight stress better when it is fit.
  • Eat healthy, well-balanced meals.
  • Learn to manage your time more effectively.
  • Set limits appropriately and learn to say no to requests that would create excessive stress in your life.
  • Make time for hobbies, interests, and relaxation.
  • Get enough rest and sleep. Your body needs time to recover from stressful events.
  • Don’t rely on alcohol, drugs, or compulsive behaviors to reduce stress.
  • Seek out social support. Spend enough time with those you enjoy.
  • Seek treatment with a counselor or other mental health professional
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Ask a Counsellor: Should I transfer schools when feeling depressed and anxious?

How should I go about transferring colleges? I have been feeling extremely depressed and anxious. Will going to a new school help me grow and cope or should I stay and develop where I am at?

teens computing

This is a common thought when things are not going well at one place. Having been a counsellor in schools I’ve experienced many students that have changed schools due to the same feelings.

First off, it sounds like it’s been really hard for you. Going through depression and anxiety is not easy and with the stresses of school it can make it that much harder. I hope you’ve sought out some supports (schools usually have great counselling access for free) and have some positive coping tools to help you deal with what your going through. If you haven’t already, please visit your family doctor and discuss what’s been going on with you.

Changing schools would change the environment around you but this would involve a lot of transitioning which would add stress to your situation. In most cases, I’d recommend students try to make it work where they are. Where they are comfortable, have some supports, know their way around, etc. The experience of depression and anxiety is an internal process that is not going to magically change by changing your outside surroundings. A person experiencing depression that gets put in Disneyland, still is a person experiencing depression.

I would encourage you to seek out support for your wellness as your first plan of action at your current school. If when you are feeling better and you still want to change schools, then go for it. Remember that facing adversity can be a positive thing that helps you grow stronger. Building resilience is a lifelong process that will help you face bigger challenges in the future. All the best in your journey.

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Ask a Counsellor: Is it okay to go on your own to a coffee shop/fast food place or is it too weird?

I’m a very socially awkward person. Recently, I’ve been trying to go out on my own (but I still suck at social interaction), and I was wondering, is it okay to go on your own to a coffee shop/fast food place or is it too weird?

First off, Congrats on taking that step to face your fears and do it anyway! You are well on your way to making this better for yourself. I think that is the key to really feeling more comfortable in public places. Slowly, gradually expose yourself to spaces that you don’t feel comfortable in. If you commit to this, you’ll find that it gets easier and easier. If you want to take it farther, try attempting to smile at 3 people you pass by in your day. To supercharge the process, see a certified counsellor or psychologist and they can support you systematically desensitize yourself to these situations that scare you.

In terms of going out on your own, Yes, of course it is ok to go to any place by yourself. Take a look at this pic.

Coffee shop

You’ll notice so many people working or just using their phones in a coffee shop. Looks natural right? It is very common for people to just go to a space to enjoy a coffee and do some work or school.

As an aside, try not labelling yourself socially awkward because really, humans can just be shy or have trouble around people they don’t know. That’s normal and something that people can work on and totally ok! It’s important to tell yourself the right stories.

Best of luck on your journey!

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