What is it about some children in that they are able to show resilience in the face of adversity better than their peers? Cartwright Hatton et al looked at what thoughts those children have that enable them to be able to manage in their day to day interactions. Here is a list of what they found.
https://tenacitycounselling.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/sander-weeteling-swE6Cp7OQM4-unsplash-scaled.jpg25601709Jamal Ahmelichhttps://tenacitycounselling.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/01_p-1-300x97.pngJamal Ahmelich2022-08-02 10:04:442022-05-02 22:22:30What Thoughts do Resilient Children have help them be Successful?
Derek Thompson looked into why American Teens Are So Sad and identified Four forces that are propelling the rising rates of depression among young people. From 2009 to 2021, the share of US high-school students who say they feel “persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness” rose from 26 percent to 44 percent, according to a new CDC study. This is the highest level of teenage sadness ever recorded.
So why is this happening? There are several answers purposed to that question, along with one meta-explanation that ties them together. Here are four forces propelling that increase.
1. Social-media use Five years ago, the psychologist Jean Twenge wrote an influential and controversial feature in The Atlantic titled “Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?” based on her book iGen. Around 2012, Twenge wrote, she had noticed that teen sadness and anxiety began to steadily rise in the U.S. and other rich developed countries. She looked for explanations and realized that 2012 was precisely when the share of Americans who owned a smartphone surpassed 50 percent and mobile social-media use spiked. In the past few years, scientists have disputed the idea that social-media use itself makes teenagers miserable. “There’s been absolutely hundreds of [social-media and mental-health] studies, almost all showing pretty small effects,” Jeff Hancock, a behavioral psychologist at Stanford University who has conducted a meta-analysis of 226 such studies, told The New York Times recently.
2. Sociality is down
Both Steinberg and Twenge stress that the biggest problem with social media might be not social media itself, but rather the activities that it replaces. “I tell parents all the time that if Instagram is merely displacing TV, I’m not concerned about it,” Steinberg told me. But today’s teens spend more than five hours daily on social media, and that habit seems to be displacing quite a lot of beneficial activity. The share of high-school students who got eight or more hours of sleep declined 30 percent from 2007 to 2019. Compared with their counterparts in the 2000s, today’s teens are less likely to go out with their friends, get their driver’s license, or play youth sports. The pandemic and the closure of schools likely exacerbated teen loneliness and sadness. A 2020 survey from Harvard’s Graduate School of Education found that loneliness spiked in the first year of the pandemic for everyone, but it rose most significantly for young people. “It’s well established that what protects teens from stress is close social relationships,” Steinberg said. “When kids can’t go to school to see their friends and peers and mentors, that social isolation could lead to sadness and depression, particularly for those predisposed to feeling sad or depressed.”
3. The world is stressful—and there is more news about the world’s stressors
Lisa Damour, a clinical psychologist and author, told me that no single factor can account for the rise of teenage sadness. But she believes a part of the answer is that the world has become more stressful. Or, at least, teenagers’ perception of the world seems to be causing them more stress. “In the last decade teenagers have become increasingly stressed by concerns about gun violence, climate change, and the political environment,” she wrote in an email. “Increased stress among young people is linked to increasing levels of sadness. Girls, more than boys, are socialized to internalize distress, meaning that they tend to collapse in on themselves by becoming depressed or anxious.”
4. Modern parenting strategies
In the past 40 years, American parents—especially those with a college degree—have nearly doubled the amount of time they spend coaching, chauffeuring, tutoring, and otherwise helping their teenage children. The economist Valerie Ramey has labeled this the “rug rat race.” High-income parents in particular are spending much more time preparing their kids for a competitive college admissions process. When I interviewed Ramey about her work in 2019, she told me that she “couldn’t believe the amount of pressure our friends were putting on their kids to get ready for college.” The “rug rat race” is an upper-class phenomenon that can’t explain a generalized increase in teenage sadness. But it could well explain part of what’s going on. And in the 2020 Atlantic feature “What Happened to American Childhood?,” Kate Julian described a related phenomenon that affects families a bit more broadly: Anxious parents, in seeking to insulate their children from risk and danger, are unintentionally transferring their anxiety to their kids.
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Mindfulness strategies are all about being ‘present’ by connecting with one or more of your five senses. They are sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Try some of these.
Focus on 3 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, and 3 things your body can physically feel
Touch is a great way to be present – you might stomp your feet, pat your cat or even have a massage
Get absorbed in the moment – playing sport, playing a video game or just having fun with friends is a great way to have a mental break from worries
Focus on really listening to an awesome song
Eat something yummy really slowly, savoring the taste
Splash cool water on your face – this can trigger the ‘mammalian dive reflex’ which is an automatic response that slows your heart rate and brain waves (designed to help us survive when swimming underwater)
Breathing exercises
Breathe naturally, evenly, and at a speed that feels comfortable.
Focus on sending your breath right down to your belly button – so your stomach rises and falls with each breath.
Just keep your breathing even and natural.
Do this for five slow, even breaths.
Take a moment to reflect on how this makes you feel.
Writing
Writing can be an effective means of working through stress. Writing can provide a means of expressing troubling thoughts, as well as gaining a better understanding of what is bothering you. keeping stressful thoughts and feelings in often causes them to grow, it is important to give your thoughts and feelings a voice – especially when your feelings are raw. Writing your thoughts and feelings allows you to express freely without worry about what others will think or how they will react.
To get the most out of this exercise, try letting the words just come – don’t focus on coherency, spelling, or neatness, instead just try spilling the words onto the paper. Write until you feel done.
Physical Activity
Physical activity can help lessen stress reactions and promote a general feeling of well-being. Even just a brisk walk for 15 – 20 minutes. Physical activity causes endorphins to be released, which are the body’s feel-good hormones. Regular exercise can also improve your body’s ability to handle stress in general. It is important not to overdo, wear appropriate gear (comfortable walking shoes, bicycle helmet), and not use this as permission to engage in compulsive or disordered behavior!
Try walking around a new area while listening to your favorite music. It can physically take you away from the stress and perhaps give you a new perspective in the end.
Self-Talk
If we really listen to ourselves, sometimes we say negative things to ourselves: “she doesn’t like me”, “I’m going to screw this up”, “he’s funnier than I am”. Before you know it, all you’re hearing are negative thoughts whispered in your own voice. This is called negative self-talk, and it is going to have a negative impact on you in most aspects of your life. It becomes really difficult to turn the negative soundtrack off.
Using positive self-talk, you can start to hear words of encouragement and support – whispered to you in your own voice. You will be surprised at how different that feels! Using positive self-talk consistently over a period of time also serves to rewrite the script.
Art
Creative endeavors are a known means of self-expression. Some do not like writing, and sometimes words cannot seem to effectively express your feelings. When using artistic expression as a coping skill the key is not to focus on the end product, but the process of making the art.
Grab a piece of paper and some markers or crayons. Fill the page with color
https://tenacitycounselling.ca/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6-Coping-strategies.jpg23041728Jamal Ahmelichhttps://tenacitycounselling.ca/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/01_p-1-300x97.pngJamal Ahmelich2022-06-15 09:25:392022-06-03 03:31:146 Coping Strategies for Young people
In our technological world, more and more children are spending time inside on devices and less time playing outside. Spending time outdoors isn’t just enjoyable but it’s also necessary. Many researchers agree that kids who play outside are happier, better at paying attention and less anxious than kids who spend more time indoors.
Spending time in nature can build their confidence. There’s a lot less structure than most types of indoor play and they can choose how they interact with the nature around them. This gives them practice managing their own actions and encourages creativity and imagination.
Being outdoors can also teach them responsibility. For example, if they are in charge of watering a plant, they can learn that they must take care of living things to keep them alive.
Being outside gets kids moving, too. Regardless of what they’re doing, there’s usually more exercise involved than if they were sitting on the couch. Not only is exercise good for kids’ bodies, but it seems to make them more focused. This is especially helpful for kids with ADHD. Being outside also helps kids feel less stressed.
In the spirit of getting kids outside, here is an outdoor challenge for engaging boys in the natural setting. These tasks can simply be done in a backyard or at a park if needed. Fire starting and foraging are omissions from this list for safety reasons. Good luck!
Learn to Tie the Bowline Knot
Knots come in handy for a slew of survival scenarios. Tying snares, securing shelters, lowering equipment or yourself down a cliff face. Ideally, you should have an arsenal of knots, from hitches to bends to loops, in your repertoire. But if you learn only one, learn the bowline.
Build a Shelter
A shelter should be your top priority in a prolonged survival situation. To make a simple lean-to, find a downed tree/fence/rock resting at an angle, or set a large branch securely against a standing tree, and stack smaller branches close together on one side. Layer debris, like leaves and moss, across the angled wall. Lastly, insulate yourself from the cold ground–which will draw heat from your warm body–by layering four to six inches of debris to lie on. If branches aren’t available, get creative and improvise from stuff around your home.
Make a Solar Sill
Collecting water is imperative in survival situations. Try this method for getting water with the help of the sun. For an idea of how to do this, see here for an example.
Navigating by stars
This one needs to be done at night in an area with minimal city lights. To find the North Star (Polaris), which is the end of the Little Dipper’s handle. If you can find the Big Dipper, draw a line between the two stars at the outer edge of the constellation’s dipper portion. Extend this line toward the Little Dipper, and it will line up with Polaris. Face Polaris, and you’re facing true north. If there is a crescent moon in the sky, connect the horns of the crescent with an imaginary line. Extend this line to the horizon to indicate a southerly bearing.
Build a Bed
Find a dry area. Frame your bed with rocks or logs (make this a bit bigger than you are). Plug cracks with moss, leaves, or bark. Gather dry leaves and other dry materials. Pile them into the bed until it bulges. Nestle into the leaves and keep a thick layer on the ground.
Video games have increasingly become the hobby of choice for many youth around the world. With more and more options of types of games, improving graphics, social connection and intense, engaging storylines, it’s easy to see why it’s become so popular with young people. With this increased prevalence, we’ve also seen the rise in issues related to overuse of video games. While it’s hard to define where the line between healthy use and unhealthy use is, there is a point where unhealthy use can be problematic. Here are a few tips for parents to consider when reflecting on their young person’s video game use.
Strategies for prevention of overuse
Promotion of healthy activities and hobbies
Sleep
Social “in person” interactions with family and friends
Time in Nature
Physical Activity
Anything that supports a strong parent-child relationship can be a protective factor
Be a role model for healthy technology use
Setting Healthy Limits:
Connecting with your child
Positive reinforcement of good behaviour
Be positive with your child as much as you can.
Working with your child to set boundaries on use and discussing the reasons why
Setting limits that include increased responsibility of use. One day they will need to manage their own use so anything we can do to prepare them for this will help.
Setting consistent boundaries and having systems built in to support this. (For Example: Timers, Wifi controls, etc)
Limit recreational technology on weekdays. Many parents will limit video games on school days, while allowing them on weekends.
Managing Problematic Use:
Limit wifi access. For example, turning this off at night or during set periods
Change the wifi password daily.
Consider removing controllers or cables when your youth will be unsupervised
Consider removing devices completely.
What needs is your child meeting through video games?
Is your child trying to keep occupied? Find healthy activities and people.
Is your child looking for social connection? Find other ways to connect socially.
Is your child looking for adrenaline and excitement? Find ‘adrenaline’ sports such as mountain biking, kayaking, etc. to meet that need.
Is your child looking for others to validate and accept your child? If so, find responsible adults that can help your child feel accepted.
Treatment
Family participation is so important when considering, planning and implementing change in the problem gamer’s life. Family members can keep young people on track and support that positive change that may be needed in their life. Treatment can occur in multiple ways from working with a counsellor or psychologist in the community or by doing residential treatment where the youth would be at a facility for a given period of time. Therapists use various types of interventions and treatments depending on the situation such as the following.
Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT): CBT is a therapy that helps people look at their thoughts, feelings, and behaviours.
Motivational Interviewing: Motivational interviewing helps look at a patient’s readiness for change and explores ambiguity around their willingness to change problematic behaviours.
Family therapy: Excessive video gaming can impair family relationships, and family interventions seek to improve relationships between the child/youth and family members.
Treatment goals may include:
Helping the child/youth to find other activities and people to meet the needs that the video games meet. It can be helpful to explore what needs are being met by the video games. Is it a social need? Or is it a need for dopamine/adrenaline? Or is it a need for achievement?
Finding other ways to give adrenaline/dopamine, such as time in nature or physical activity.
Finding other ways to have social connection, such as with family or friends.
Finding other ways to give mental stimulation, such as reading, learning, or other hobbies.
Treating any other mental health conditions that the person has. People with excessive video gaming may have other conditions such as substance use problems, depression, anxiety, ADHD.
Addressing any other significant life stresses that the young person may have. The person may have troubles coping with family stresses. Or stresses with bullying and peers. Video games may be a way of escaping and coping with stresses.
Problematic Smartphone use, Nature Connectedness and Anxiety
Richardson et al dig into how these 3 items relate to one another. Society’s disconnection from nature has paralleled an increase in smartphone use. Some findings from their research:
As a result of stressful situations in daily life a, research is pointing us in a direction of getting back to our roots. Nature therapy, a health-promotion method that uses medically proven effects, such as relaxation by exposure to natural stimuli from forests, urban green spaces, plants, and natural wooden materials, is receiving increasing attention.
It is empirically known that exposure to stimuli from natural sources induces a state of hyperawareness and hyperactivity of the parasympathetic nervous system that renders a person in a state of relaxation. This state becomes progressively recognized as the normal state that a person should be in and feel comfortable. Could this immersion in nature be helpful for you?
Advances to the theory of resilience directs attention to the processes whereby individuals who face significant challenges interact with their environments to optimize personal success (Ungar&Liebenberg, 2011). Resilience is developed when there is significant exposure to adversity.
Make connections
Teach your child how to make friends, including the skill of empathy, or feeling another’s pain. Encourage your child to be a friend in order to get friends. Build a strong family network to support your child through his or her inevitable disappointments and hurts. At school, watch to make sure that one child is not being isolated. Connecting with people provides social support and strengthens resilience. Some find comfort in connecting with a higher power, whether through organized religion or privately and you may wish to introduce your child to your own traditions of worship.
Help your child by having him or her help others
Children who may feel helpless can be empowered by helping others. Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work, or ask for assistance yourself with some task that he or she can master. At school, brainstorm with children about ways they can help others.
Maintain a daily routine
Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children, especially younger children who crave structure in their lives. Encourage your child to develop his or her own routines.
Take a break
While it is important to stick to routines, endlessly worrying can be counter-productive. Teach your child how to focus on something besides what’s worrying him. Be aware of what your child is exposed to that can be troubling, whether it be news, the Internet or overheard conversations, and make sure your child takes a break from those things if they trouble her. Although schools are being held accountable for performance on standardized tests, build in unstructured time during the school day to allow children to be creative.
Teach your child self-care
Make yourself a good example, and teach your child the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise and rest. Make sure your child has time to have fun, and make sure that your child hasn’t scheduled every moment of his or her life with no “down time” to relax. Caring for oneself and even having fun will help your child stay balanced and better deal with stressful times.
Move toward your goals
Teach your child to set reasonable goals and then to move toward them one step at a time. Moving toward that goal — even if it’s a tiny step — and receiving praise for doing so will focus your child on what he or she has accomplished rather than on what hasn’t been accomplished, and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges. At school, break down large assignments into small, achievable goals for younger children, and for older children, acknowledge accomplishments on the way to larger goals.
Nurture a positive self-view
Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges. Help your child learn to trust himself to solve problems and make appropriate decisions. Teach your child to see the humor in life, and the ability to laugh at one’s self. At school, help children see how their individual accomplishments contribute to the well-being of the class as a whole.
Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Even when your child is facing very painful events, help him look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Although your child may be too young to consider a long-term look on his own, help him or her see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good. An optimistic and positive outlook enables your child to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. In school, use history to show that life moves on after bad events.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Tough times are often the times when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child take a look at how whatever he is facing can teach him “what he is made of.” At school, consider leading discussions of what each student has learned after facing down a tough situation.
Accept that change is part of living
Change often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable. In school, point out how students have changed as they moved up in grade levels and discuss how that change has had an impact on the students.
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