Gabor Maté, a renowned physician and author, advocates for a compassionate and understanding approach to parenting that emphasizes connection and empathy. His recommendations prioritize building strong emotional bonds with children, fostering an environment of unconditional love and acceptance. He emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating children’s feelings and experiences as a fundamental aspect of nurturing their emotional well-being. This involves actively listening to children, empathizing with their perspectives, and offering support and validation for their emotions, whether positive or negative. By creating an environment where children feel heard and understood, parents can lay the groundwork for healthy emotional expression and self-regulation.
Maté encourages parents to prioritize open and honest communication within the family dynamic. This means fostering a culture of trust and transparency, where children feel comfortable expressing their thoughts, concerns, and questions without fear of judgment or reprisal. By cultivating such an atmosphere, parents can strengthen the parent-child bond and promote healthy social and emotional development.
In terms of discipline, Maté advocates for setting boundaries with empathy rather than resorting to punitive measures. This involves guiding children through challenges and conflicts with patience, understanding, and a focus on teaching rather than punishing. By approaching discipline from a place of empathy and understanding, parents can help children learn from their mistakes, develop self-discipline, and cultivate a sense of responsibility for their actions.
Maté underscores the importance of nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect and trust between parents and children. This entails treating children with dignity and autonomy, valuing their perspectives and contributions, and fostering a sense of partnership and collaboration in the parent-child relationship.
This approach to parenting believes that parents can create a nurturing and supportive family environment that fosters children’s emotional well-being, promotes healthy development, and strengthens the parent-child bond for years to come. Maté suggests:
Acknowledging and validating children’s feelings and experiences, rather than dismissing or minimizing them.
Communicating openly and honestly, creating a safe space for dialogue and emotional expression.
Setting boundaries with empathy, guiding children through challenges with patience and understanding.
Nurturing a relationship based on mutual respect and trust.
Providing emotional support that lays the foundation for healthy development and resilience in children.
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Barbara Coloroso, a renowned parenting educator and author, has developed a unique and empowering approach to raising children that emphasizes respect, responsibility, and resilience. Her philosophy is grounded in the belief that children thrive in an environment where they feel valued and empowered. In this post, we will explore the key principles of this powerful parenting approach and how they can contribute to nurturing well-rounded and confident individuals.
Three Types of Families: Coloroso identifies three types of families based on their parenting styles: brickwall, jellyfish, and backbone. The brickwall parent is strict and authoritarian, imposing rigid rules without room for negotiation. The jellyfish parent, on the other hand, is overly permissive and lacks boundaries. Coloroso advocates for the backbone parent, who provides structure and guidance while also encouraging independence and responsibility.
Teaching Children Responsibility: Central to Coloroso’s approach is the idea of teaching children to be responsible for their actions. Instead of relying on punishment, she encourages parents to help children understand the consequences of their choices. By doing so, children learn to make thoughtful decisions and become accountable for their behavior.
Use of Natural Consequences: Coloroso emphasizes the importance of allowing children to experience natural consequences. Rather than shielding them from every mistake or misstep, parents can use these moments as valuable learning opportunities. This helps children develop problem-solving skills and resilience, preparing them for the challenges they will face in the real world.
Building a Culture of Respect: Respect is a cornerstone of Coloroso’s parenting philosophy. She advocates for treating children with the same level of respect that we expect from them. By fostering open communication, active listening, and empathy, parents can create a home environment where children feel heard and valued.
No More “I’m the Boss” Mentality: Coloroso challenges the traditional authoritarian approach to parenting, where the parent is seen as the unquestionable authority figure. Instead, she promotes a collaborative approach where parents and children work together to solve problems and make decisions. This not only fosters a sense of autonomy in children but also strengthens the parent-child relationship.
Encouraging Positive Discipline: Rather than resorting to punitive measures, Coloroso advocates for positive discipline techniques that focus on teaching, guiding, and setting appropriate boundaries. This approach helps children understand the reasons behind rules and encourages them to make choices based on empathy and consideration for others.
Barbara Coloroso’s approach to parenting offers a refreshing perspective that empowers both parents and children. By embracing principles of responsibility, respect, and resilience, parents can create a nurturing environment where children can thrive and develop into confident, compassionate individuals. As parents navigate the complexities of parenting, Coloroso’s insights serve as a guide for fostering strong connections and raising resilient, responsible, and respectful children.
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Nature has always been a source of comfort, inspiration, and healing for people. Those good feelings of time spent in natural environments are becoming more well known for their mental health benefits and in response to that, therapists have begun to harness nature’s restorative capacity by challenging convention and offering therapy outdoors. This course is designed to explore the therapeutic benefits of nature and how they can be used to enhance client emotional, psychological, and physical wellbeing.
In this course, students will learn about the theoretical foundations of nature-based therapy, the different types of nature-based interventions, and how to apply them in various settings. They will also explore the role of nature in promoting mindfulness, stress reduction, and overall health.
Throughout the course, students will learn how to incorporate nature-based interventions into their clinical practice. Students will explore what works for promoting change as well as safety and other considerations to this form of therapy.
By the end of this course, students will have gained an understanding of the therapeutic benefits of nature and how they can be used to promote healing and wellbeing. They will also have developed the skills, safety and knowledge necessary to integrate nature-based interventions into their clinical practice. The course includes tips for successfully promoting your nature based therapy offering to potential clients.
Who this course is for:
In this course, students will learn about the theoretical foundations of nature-based therapy, the different types of nature-based interventions, and how to apply them.
This course is designed to explore the therapeutic benefits of nature for counselors and how they can be used to enhance client emotional, psychological, and physical wellbeing.
Throughout the course, students will learn how to incorporate nature-based interventions into their clinical practice
By the end of this course, students will have gained an understanding of the therapeutic benefits of nature and how they can be used to promote healing and wellbeing.
They will also have developed the skills and knowledge necessary to integrate nature-based interventions into their clinical practice.
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Here are ten ways to try and make your anxiety better:
Try to identify the cause of your anxiety and address it directly, if possible. For example, if you’re feeling anxious about a specific situation, such as a job interview or a difficult conversation, try to come up with a plan to tackle it head-on.
Practice deep breathing exercises. Taking slow, deep breaths can help calm your mind and body, and can be especially helpful when you’re feeling anxious.
Engage in regular physical activity. Exercise can help reduce stress and improve your overall mood, which can be helpful for managing anxiety.
Get enough sleep. Lack of sleep can increase anxiety, so make sure to get enough rest each night.
Try relaxation techniques, such as meditation or yoga. These practices can help you calm your mind and reduce stress.
Talk to someone about your anxiety. Sharing your feelings with a trusted friend, family member, or mental health professional can be a great way to get support and work through your anxiety.
Avoid caffeine and other stimulants. Caffeine and other substances can make anxiety worse, so it’s best to avoid them or limit your intake.
Practice mindfulness. Being present in the moment and paying attention to your thoughts and feelings can help you better manage anxiety.
Try to challenge negative thoughts. When you’re feeling anxious, it’s common to have negative thoughts. Try to challenge these thoughts and reframe them in a more positive light.
Take care of yourself. Make sure to eat well, stay hydrated, and engage in activities that you enjoy. Taking care of your physical and emotional needs can be helpful for managing anxiety.
What is it about some children in that they are able to show resilience in the face of adversity better than their peers? Cartwright Hatton et al looked at what thoughts those children have that enable them to be able to manage in their day to day interactions. Here is a list of what they found.
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Mindfulness strategies are all about being ‘present’ by connecting with one or more of your five senses. They are sight, sound, smell, taste and touch. Try some of these.
Focus on 3 things you can hear, 3 things you can smell, and 3 things your body can physically feel
Touch is a great way to be present – you might stomp your feet, pat your cat or even have a massage
Get absorbed in the moment – playing sport, playing a video game or just having fun with friends is a great way to have a mental break from worries
Focus on really listening to an awesome song
Eat something yummy really slowly, savoring the taste
Splash cool water on your face – this can trigger the ‘mammalian dive reflex’ which is an automatic response that slows your heart rate and brain waves (designed to help us survive when swimming underwater)
Breathing exercises
Breathe naturally, evenly, and at a speed that feels comfortable.
Focus on sending your breath right down to your belly button – so your stomach rises and falls with each breath.
Just keep your breathing even and natural.
Do this for five slow, even breaths.
Take a moment to reflect on how this makes you feel.
Writing
Writing can be an effective means of working through stress. Writing can provide a means of expressing troubling thoughts, as well as gaining a better understanding of what is bothering you. keeping stressful thoughts and feelings in often causes them to grow, it is important to give your thoughts and feelings a voice – especially when your feelings are raw. Writing your thoughts and feelings allows you to express freely without worry about what others will think or how they will react.
To get the most out of this exercise, try letting the words just come – don’t focus on coherency, spelling, or neatness, instead just try spilling the words onto the paper. Write until you feel done.
Physical Activity
Physical activity can help lessen stress reactions and promote a general feeling of well-being. Even just a brisk walk for 15 – 20 minutes. Physical activity causes endorphins to be released, which are the body’s feel-good hormones. Regular exercise can also improve your body’s ability to handle stress in general. It is important not to overdo, wear appropriate gear (comfortable walking shoes, bicycle helmet), and not use this as permission to engage in compulsive or disordered behavior!
Try walking around a new area while listening to your favorite music. It can physically take you away from the stress and perhaps give you a new perspective in the end.
Self-Talk
If we really listen to ourselves, sometimes we say negative things to ourselves: “she doesn’t like me”, “I’m going to screw this up”, “he’s funnier than I am”. Before you know it, all you’re hearing are negative thoughts whispered in your own voice. This is called negative self-talk, and it is going to have a negative impact on you in most aspects of your life. It becomes really difficult to turn the negative soundtrack off.
Using positive self-talk, you can start to hear words of encouragement and support – whispered to you in your own voice. You will be surprised at how different that feels! Using positive self-talk consistently over a period of time also serves to rewrite the script.
Art
Creative endeavors are a known means of self-expression. Some do not like writing, and sometimes words cannot seem to effectively express your feelings. When using artistic expression as a coping skill the key is not to focus on the end product, but the process of making the art.
Grab a piece of paper and some markers or crayons. Fill the page with color
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As our technological society advances and urbanizes, it is apparent that we are putting distance between ourselves and how our ancestors once lived. Could it be that perhaps our distance from nature could be having an impact on our psyche? There are some that aim to bridge this divide by bringing humans back to their roots, in nature. Nowhere is bridging this divide more important than in the therapeutic work that counselling professionals do.
Ecotherapy is the name given to a form of experiential therapy that incorporates counselling interventions in the natural world to improve the client’s growth and development. There are wide ranges of treatment programs, which aim to improve mental and physical well-being through doing outdoor activities in nature. Examples include nature-based meditations, physical exercise in natural settings, horticultural therapy, adventure therapy, conservation activities and therapeutic nature-based counselling.
Therapeutic nature-based counselling is an aspect of ecotherapy that has shown great results for work with individuals and/or groups. It encompasses working with clients in a natural setting with an end goal of individual and/or family wellness. This style of therapy has a close relationship to family systems theory in that both theories recognize the inter-relatedness of being and our surroundings. Nature is viewed as a healing partner in the counselling process. For instance, when an individual is depressed, they often retreat into indoor spaces, isolating themselves from the world around them. Using a nature therapy approach can help encourage individuals to move outdoors while still engaging in therapy.
Further, nature-based counselling helps cultivate awareness in individuals as they explore their relationship to themselves, others and their sense of place in the world and natural surroundings.
The fundamental process for therapeutic practices in nature is the reconnection to nature as a reconnection to self. (Jordan, 2009)
Effectiveness
Research on the effectiveness of therapeutic based nature therapy is limited but encouraging. However, there has been considerable research into the effects of individuals spending time in forests. Several studies demonstrate the unique factors that forests can have on individuals and the counselling process.
In Japan, a very popular and well-studied concept is Shinrin-Yoku or forest bathing. This involves the simple health improvement strategy of immersing oneself into a forest. The effectiveness of this practice is well documented with benefits such as immune function enhancement while in contact with forest environments. It also has been shown to lower elevated stress levels when in natural environments (Lee et al, 2012).
The therapeutic rationale for having experiences within nature is to encourage clients to awaken their senses. An important step in truly grounding oneself through distress. Buzzell and Chalquist (2009) cite enhanced self-concept, self-esteem and self-confidence as benefits to therapeutic nature-based therapy. They also believe that to facilitate treatment of mental health issues or improve family relationships, employing nature is a potent therapeutic intervention. It has been shown to improve mood, anxiety, stress, and depression. It has also been demonstrated that it works well for a variety of ages. Nature therapy is about utilizing these demonstrated benefits in order to help facilitate a client’s therapeutic goal.
The traditional office setting can be seen to be an intimidating experience for some clients. The face-to-face interaction can be off putting and cause unease in some. Moving therapy to an outdoor space can alleviate this as some people experience nature therapy as less intimidating than an office setting.
Doucette (2004) outlines the nuances of walk and talk therapy as walking outdoors whilst engaged in counselling. Walk and talk therapy happens outside the usual confines of an office space. In Doucette’s research with adolescents, therapist and participants met over 6 weeks, once per week for 30-45 minutes or walking outdoors on school grounds. This research found considerable improvements on individual’s moods. Participants discussed what had happened that week and they were taught strategies during the sessions, which included ways of managing stress and painful situations, positive self-talk, mental imagery and through focusing techniques to reduce stress.
Considerations
Moving from the confines of the traditional four walled therapy space involves some considerations in order to be successful. It is important that during the initial client assessment that any initial fears about the outdoors be discussed. Comfort levels with the weather can vary and are important to mention. If the client gets cold easily, it obviously best to avoid the outdoor space when the temperature dips down. Client safety in outdoor spaces is important and so it is recommended that simple well-worn paths, which do not have any obstacles, are best.
It is imperative that the therapist knows the area well before embarking with clients in an outdoor space. The therapy should be the focus, not trying to navigate both of you back from an unknown path.
The confidentiality piece is important and needs to be addressed at the initial assessment. While the four walled office space provides you with a contained, private venue for intimate discussions and limited interruptions, the outdoor space brings with it other challenges. For example, it should be discussed what the client is comfortable with when other people are encountered on the trail. Would they prefer to stop conversation, lower their voice, or continue talking?
Case study
Michael was a bank teller. His past counselling experiences had not been positive. Michael mentioned that his previous counselling sessions had brought up very difficult feelings that he did not know how to handle. At assessment, Michael talked about his family history, which included how his mother and father’s marriage had been unstable with numerous splits and walkouts. He noted that his father was very volatile in his family interactions while his mother had been very self-absorbed. Michael had grown up with a poor sense of self, quite often adapting himself to others’ needs and wishes in order to be liked. Michael was mistrustful and it was apparent that he felt attacked and persecuted through the therapist standard line of assessment questioning. There were long pauses and silences in the subsequent sessions and Michael reported feeling very ambivalent about therapy. The therapist suggested they might meet outdoors and walk together, as the sessions indoors felt so difficult, and for them both to see how this felt. They met at a local municipal park, walked, and talked as they made their way through a quiet forest loop. In the session, Michael talked more about how he felt and the session went well. At the end, the therapist asked Michael how he felt about this way of working. Michael report that he found it much easier to talk without the room and the eye contact of the therapist and that compared to his previous experiences of therapy it was much easier to open up and share with the therapist outdoors which they were walking. In subsequent sessions, they met in forest locations, walked, and talked. The therapist also found it easier to tune into Michael on an embodied level and make contact with him more easily than he had done indoors. At times, Michael would stop and make eye contact with the therapist when he had an important thing to say in therapy. As the sessions progressed, Michael was more able to initiate contact in this way in the therapy and began to be more able to stay in touch with painful feelings whilst moving outdoors.
Integrating Nature into your counselling practice
Incorporating therapeutic nature-based therapy into your practice is not for every client or clinician but there are many that would benefit from the alternative setting for therapy. When you think of those resistant clients that really struggle in the traditional setting, it can be worth it to look for new spaces to engage them in therapy. By incorporating nature in a relational way into your practice, this can support new internal perceptions which help individuals to reflect, challenge and support new ways of thinking on their therapeutic journey. Nature has been healing through the times and so, an important consideration for clinical work. As society becomes more urbanized, it will be important for therapeutic work to remember the inherent connection we have to the natural world. As Abrams so eloquently describes in his book The Spell of the Sensuous, “By acknowledging such links between the inner, psychological world and the perceptual terrain that surrounds us, we begin to turn inside-out, loosening the psyche from its confinement within a strictly human sphere, freeing sentience to return to the sensible world that contains us.”
For further reading:
– Ecotherapy: Healing with Nature in Mind – Linda Buzzell and Craig Chalquist
– Nature and Therapy: Understanding counselling and psychotherapy in outdoor spaces – Martin Jordan
– Eco psychology – nature as therapist http://counsellingbc.com/article/ecopsychology-nature-therapist
– Back to Nature – Martin Jordan https://www.academia.edu/1502225/Back_to_Nature
References:
Abrams, David (1997). The Spell of the Sensuous: Perception and Language in a More-Than-Human World
Doucette, P.A. (2004) Walk and Talk: an intervention for behaviourally challenged youths. Adolescence 39(154), 373-388.
Jordan, Martin. (April 2009) Back to Nature. Therapy Today
Jordan, Martin (2015) Nature and Therapy: Understanding counselling and psychotherapy in outdoor spaces
Juyoung Lee, Qing Li, Lisa Tyrväinen, Yuko Tsunetsugu, Bum-Jin Park, Takahide Kagawa and Yoshifumi
Miyazaki (2012). Nature Therapy and Preventive Medicine, Public Health – Social and Behavioral Health, Prof.
Jay Maddock (Ed.),
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As a result of stressful situations in daily life a, research is pointing us in a direction of getting back to our roots. Nature therapy, a health-promotion method that uses medically proven effects, such as relaxation by exposure to natural stimuli from forests, urban green spaces, plants, and natural wooden materials, is receiving increasing attention.
It is empirically known that exposure to stimuli from natural sources induces a state of hyperawareness and hyperactivity of the parasympathetic nervous system that renders a person in a state of relaxation. This state becomes progressively recognized as the normal state that a person should be in and feel comfortable. Could this immersion in nature be helpful for you?
Advances to the theory of resilience directs attention to the processes whereby individuals who face significant challenges interact with their environments to optimize personal success (Ungar&Liebenberg, 2011). Resilience is developed when there is significant exposure to adversity.
Make connections
Teach your child how to make friends, including the skill of empathy, or feeling another’s pain. Encourage your child to be a friend in order to get friends. Build a strong family network to support your child through his or her inevitable disappointments and hurts. At school, watch to make sure that one child is not being isolated. Connecting with people provides social support and strengthens resilience. Some find comfort in connecting with a higher power, whether through organized religion or privately and you may wish to introduce your child to your own traditions of worship.
Help your child by having him or her help others
Children who may feel helpless can be empowered by helping others. Engage your child in age-appropriate volunteer work, or ask for assistance yourself with some task that he or she can master. At school, brainstorm with children about ways they can help others.
Maintain a daily routine
Sticking to a routine can be comforting to children, especially younger children who crave structure in their lives. Encourage your child to develop his or her own routines.
Take a break
While it is important to stick to routines, endlessly worrying can be counter-productive. Teach your child how to focus on something besides what’s worrying him. Be aware of what your child is exposed to that can be troubling, whether it be news, the Internet or overheard conversations, and make sure your child takes a break from those things if they trouble her. Although schools are being held accountable for performance on standardized tests, build in unstructured time during the school day to allow children to be creative.
Teach your child self-care
Make yourself a good example, and teach your child the importance of making time to eat properly, exercise and rest. Make sure your child has time to have fun, and make sure that your child hasn’t scheduled every moment of his or her life with no “down time” to relax. Caring for oneself and even having fun will help your child stay balanced and better deal with stressful times.
Move toward your goals
Teach your child to set reasonable goals and then to move toward them one step at a time. Moving toward that goal — even if it’s a tiny step — and receiving praise for doing so will focus your child on what he or she has accomplished rather than on what hasn’t been accomplished, and can help build the resilience to move forward in the face of challenges. At school, break down large assignments into small, achievable goals for younger children, and for older children, acknowledge accomplishments on the way to larger goals.
Nurture a positive self-view
Help your child remember ways that he or she has successfully handled hardships in the past and then help him understand that these past challenges help him build the strength to handle future challenges. Help your child learn to trust himself to solve problems and make appropriate decisions. Teach your child to see the humor in life, and the ability to laugh at one’s self. At school, help children see how their individual accomplishments contribute to the well-being of the class as a whole.
Keep things in perspective and maintain a hopeful outlook
Even when your child is facing very painful events, help him look at the situation in a broader context and keep a long-term perspective. Although your child may be too young to consider a long-term look on his own, help him or her see that there is a future beyond the current situation and that the future can be good. An optimistic and positive outlook enables your child to see the good things in life and keep going even in the hardest times. In school, use history to show that life moves on after bad events.
Look for opportunities for self-discovery
Tough times are often the times when children learn the most about themselves. Help your child take a look at how whatever he is facing can teach him “what he is made of.” At school, consider leading discussions of what each student has learned after facing down a tough situation.
Accept that change is part of living
Change often can be scary for children and teens. Help your child see that change is part of life and new goals can replace goals that have become unattainable. In school, point out how students have changed as they moved up in grade levels and discuss how that change has had an impact on the students.
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